...........
currently i am still alive.. ok..
thi may be my last will..
cos i seriously cant take the pain anymore..
my back, my chest, my arm...
its going from pain to numbness..
my whole upper body is like being dislocated.
so much for playing bball today..
i seriously cant take the pain anymore!!!!!!!
just some1 kill mi............

ZZZZZZZZZ...
mok ah mok..
wtf la....
intro us go eat buffe at vivo at dim sum..
=.=
made all of us eat old chang kee...........yawn...
morning was still deciding whether to follow or not =.=
then in the end see nth to do, nv listen my mum advice and joined them.
the others str8 go vivo and i had to follow mok to hougang there, where he go his uncle house for depavali visit ( cos his aunt is indian)
and i had to float around hou gang central...=.=

lucky can just nice go yi ting house and get the present from her..
hmm.. THANK YOU YI TING!!!
actually ur cakes temporary saved my stomach..
thoush its super sweet. but i will finish them wif blood and tear.. LOL.
just kidding..
i din expect you to waste so much effort to write the letter also.. =X
so touched T-T.....
haha...and i am so guilty that i havent prepare ur present.. =X
ok la, maybe i will get something nice from vietnam ^^
woohoo..
don get too excited..

oh ya.. back to the topic!

MOK you bloody fker..

we all reached the "dragon head" restaurant then found that the timing is from 1130 till 3pm...

ehh... and he asked every1 to reach at 2.. ( he reached at 2 50)

not counting the time he waste in finding the place. zzz.

everyone was dying pls..

then wat, we had to go back to amk and slack till 6 where you chu kang sakura sushi buffee timing start.

and i could not go home cos there was 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, ppl =.=

which means i am the 10th person.

i had to go dota wif them..argh....

now i am home liao, anticipating my piza treat said by my mum, and then?

she said it is canceled since she tot i would be eating alot during lunch..

walao eh.

MOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am gonna clean shave you.. zz

see the emo faces.. haiz..

yawn.. zuo ren is so ma fan..
but actualy it sall psychology.
when u decided to think about something a certain way,
it will become that way..
ya.. actually my problem is i care too much le.
time to just relax myself and stop worrying about things around mi.
anyway they are out of my ability.
for NMA, i shall just do my best of of wat i can do for it lo.
no regret..

I have to thank pan lu loudly here. =P
thnx for lending it to mi..
i will find another 1 for u asap..
thnx alot =)
now 70% of my happiness is still built upon "hers"
whatever i can get for her, i will be happy.
sickening.
but its ok..
about 1 more week and i m gonna end this.. =)


1 more thing i learnt- good frens are everywhere.
u will see those real good frens when u need help.
really.
i think it iwll be too gay to disclose the names but still, thnx for being such a helpful fren.
oh.. i forgot..
finally i have a Cap that suit mi!!!!! whahahaha...a red cap =P

screwed..
totally screwd up..
whole week of presentation. is so freaking tiring and stressing..
and yesterday was more screwed than ever.. zz..
i dono wat i talking also la..when mr lee asked about the displine issue in IT, when he was already not in good mood,
i donno why, i just dnno why i go big mouth mentioned out then my frens in IT told mi that IT got no activity.
and Mr lee scolded the IT upside down.
i feel so sorry for vincent and teck beng,
cos its really not their fault.
the ppl that joined IT are really cmi in displine.
all the super slackers like ah hui....
what can they do about it..
but though i din say anything untrue la, i just feel that it is not their fault also,
and i caused them to be scolded by mr lee which is rather unfair to them also.
Then at night rushed to write a letter of apology to vincent and also explained more about the IT department problem to mr lee..
but mr lee reply was not very eh....encouraging? cos it seems the IT is gonna get more scolding.
ok fine..
i am prepared to resign.. it seems i caused the scolding to be started.
then i will pay for it lo..
just hope vincent and teck beng could understand that i m not holding any grudge against any of them =.=
i shall zip my bloody mouth for real..
anyway i wont have anymore mood to talk much also.
just heard from a realiable source that "she" liked her bf for 5 years already.
oh well, though i should have given up once i found she has a bf,
my instinct still wished for a little hope..
thats human instinct. yup..
now, i m just down again. i dono if my instincts also given up. cos i cant think now.
who can i really talk to? noo way..
its always that i listen to them.
maybe thats why they are my frens.
but who would listen to mi?
no 1 would be sincere and bother to do that for mi..

ya theres still alot more problems..
ocip is messed up..
the ppl there got mich conflicts than i imagined.
haiz.
pls..
why cant my life be a bit simpler.
andeson is like that.
exco is like that.
ocip is like that..
my class also like that.

yup i have to start planning.
if i quit NMA, i will join either bball or volley ball.
they both seems fun...
i cant stand the stress.
let mi be a nobody pls..
let mi just have 1 fren that i can rely on.
let mi forget her.
grant mi peace and let all these seize.. pls.

GG.. pw pw pw pw pw..
yesterday was deadly.
monday just finish the crazy wr suubmission then yesterday got 3 presentation -.-
OP, morning broadcast and Exco presentation.. omgg
i was so dam stressed up la.
so i did my slides but din do my script.
then during op is like wtf..
i spoke like a nerd..z..
then yesteday was also ocip meeting.
it was my 1st time go omg
alot new faces to mi..lols..
ok la, at least i noe a few of them.
at most for the time being stick to lelia or kk.
and kk is my roommate..cool..


oh mine now i am still preparing for op and exco ppt.. gg

omg i think i betetr update now before ppl think i m already dead by suiciding. lol
actually my bday was a brilliant day =)
she was indeed the last 1 to send mi the wish..
although i kind of guesses it cant be she forgot it sicne dumb gal remmebers it, considering how glued they are.
but the way she sent mi, really was very surprising..
not the way, the content.. haha..
she really can live up to her name, dream gal.
she makes mi dream, makes mi fanasize so much that my lfie has tuend into a fairy tale =P
not just the heartbeat, but the dreamish feel.
i cant use anything ele to describe other than special.
yes you are way too special than any1 i see so far.
^^ but of cos must thank lelia lots.
she put happy bday to mi so big at her pm =.=
and i only realised it after dummie told mi.
and jin xiang axtually called mi afetr seeing her pm omg.
wat a bunch of nice pps..
haha..
thnx so much.. =) whoever that wished mi, i wish all of you be blessed by mi. lols if i have the power to.


oh ya, and i am sooooo excited over this, i am inside ocip!!! omg.
this 1, again, must thank lelia sia..
omg la.. i just say i m interested in it and i m quite sad that i missed out the interview last time.
and she got the meeting to the teacher arranged within 10min? wow..
just like when i asked her for othe exco members email or number, she would check list and tell mi immediately.
not just a great leader but also a great fren to have.
i this kind of selfish ppl asked myself, and realised i may even be willing to follow under her lead,
given such a great leader quality she has ...
well, its even honourable to know such great ppl u noe.. =)
and 20th nov i m going over to vietnam =P
wheeee... i cant wait =P










This side is a special section to thank all the frens who wished mi a happy bday =P

To : My dreamish gal, dummie, Emo lamer, Yi ting, jin xiang, lelia, hai huang, calvin, marven, pei chee, xiao hui, yun jie, joanna, hui wen, yi peen, yu hui, hee sang, afnida, jie ling, wen yuan, kenneth, zi yue, yen ling, yong kang, pan lu, wei jie, sally,valnessa, kuan ting, panlu, and ah liang

THANK YOU FOR UR BDAY WISHED =)
MAY I SHARE MY LUCK WITH YOU ALL.. LOLS..

sigh.. in the end stil have to take mc..
i din noe i was such a easily giving up person..
but who cares, my lit is failed too.. no point talking to mi about how arts stream can easily promoted wif all fails, i m not a self deceiver anymore.
sad thing is, this year bday i cant even get to watch a movie.
i could not play bball as there want any1 at the court when i reach there, though when i pass there while going home there was a huge crowd.. dots..
even my 2 best frens for 7 yrs dont remember my bday lols..
rather pathetic.. thats the difference between guys and gals...
and the person that i wish to hear a bday wish the most, did not send mi any message.
i noe i should not linger upon the hope for her,
but wat can i do. the person i fall for always is some1 i should not have fallen for.
and now, patheticaly enough, i m lusting ove a bday wish from her which don seems to be possible.
time is tickling away, and my blood is dripping away.................

wtf la..
4 hrs of toilet bowl fixing and cupboard and study table emptying..
i really have no strength, no mood, no energy, to redo my eom.
i feel really sick..
and i cant get c tml as there is h1 mock exam..
pls la.. show mi some light or i m giving up..i m really tired..
i cant catch up the pace....
pls.......

zzzz...
today is my worst day of the week.
got back 3 papers and they 2 of them are super disappointing.
how could my gp fail!!!
my essay, personally i think is the best 1 i ever wrote, only got 19/50 for essay?
WTF?
content only 11/30..
whoever marked this has no eyes. wtf la.
so much contect give mi so little? crap lo.
then econs was like 34/80
highest in my class 35/80 lol.. means?
no 1 passed for my class..
even Durai from the other class got only 38? crap crap crap...
and when i just got back the case study paper, the 1st reaction of hui yan was " ahahahaha i win u again" right into my face..
WTF la. win mi in 1 class test and midcourse so wat.
keep hao lian till like that ma.. na bei.. like i got mood compare wif u..
don let mi see ur irritating face for the next 5 days thnx.
after sku liao still wan come kb..
wonder why ppl win some1 who only study 4 hrs in the whole 3 months and get so happy. . .

now only passed cll, 58/100 and econs after adding my summer test. zz
maths 41/65, which means, i have to pass lit..
so tml is my judgement day..
well, all i wish is a pass as my bday present. pls...or not 19 yrs shall be my max life.. good luck.

yes, since i cant sleep.
just managed to draft out a set of lyrics. =)
i m not v satisfied with it though.
but at least i found something meaningful to do =P
gonna edit the tone tml. wheeee..



第一次， 我看到了你那羞涩的脸。
不知不觉，我偷瞄了一眼。
第一次， 我听到了你甜甜的声音，
很陶醉 ， 一种恋爱的滋味。

第一次， 我们在网上聊了一天，
很开心， 这满足的感觉。
第一次， 我们终于说了你好，再见，
忘不了， 你那温柔的笑脸。

你那如梦境般的性格，让我越来越迷恋，
不能说出的暗恋，会否有我主演的那一天 ...

每当我想象你们握手的表情，
玉箸无形的眼泪湿润了我的双眼，
不敢给你的玫瑰，只有刺的痛最真实。
一根一根，刺进我发热的心。

每当我想象靠近你时的心跳，
不知不觉地，我还在陶醉。
很沉迷，梦里和你的约会，
迷蒙的你，我何时才能真的遇见。

已有了他的你，我不会这样放弃。
就算你, 不真实, 一场梦，我不能， 放弃我, 的童话故事。

每当我想象你们握手的表情，
玉箸无形的眼泪湿润了我的双眼，
不敢给你的玫瑰，只有瓣上的刺痛最真实。
一根一根，刺进我发热的心。

每当我想象靠近你时的心跳，
不知不觉地我还在陶醉。
很沉迷，梦里和你的约会，
迷蒙的你，我何时才能真的遇见。

令人痴迷的笑，何时我才能触到。。。

oh my.. have been sleeping since afternoon tll 7 ..
now really got no mood to sleep le .lols.. shit..
tml still must wake upearly for pw meeting.
all the way at jurong lols..
sad la, my cough like coming back again..hmm
let mi recall. yesterday bball finals for thei nter house game.
we lost by 2 points lols.
the game was not competitive due to 1 reason, we donno the total scores throughout the game.. so boring...
today is farewell assembly for the j2.
lols.. gave my presents to yl and my beloved senior vivien!
without vivien, i guess i would not have started to like nma and exco so much.
so big thanks =)
thnx for leading us when we just enetered the family,
thnx for teahcing us the skills we need,
thnx for taking care of us =P

also must thank yen ling, for making mi go all the way to buki batok for the filming ah.
which is ur house!!! =.=
lols.. but a great fren wif great yi4 qi4 =)

all the best for ur A levels!!!!
i still don feel sleepy =(
ahh..

ok mid course is over but i don really feel the excitment of holiday.
actually i do worry for holiday.
the most worrying one is loneliness.
i found i demand alot from frens.
that swhy i have so many frens.
get a little from each, makes up alot.
when i decide some1 as buddy,
i begin to demand alot alot,
alot more than what they define mi as.
that may be why i always don feel satisfied for their attitute
and i always feel sianed. i donn why..
maybe i havent really found someting to strive for.


anyway, today was inter housebball game.
my team is actually quite strong, though not strong as tarus.
i have to admit dickson chu is very experienced in playing full court.
its just too hard to defend him.
but 1 sad thing is my teammates don pass ball to mi at all de lo. =.=
then i lost my mood to play yawn...
still considering if i should go tml for finals.
the pre U seminar talk is interesting, not the talk, but the content.
IJC gonna host pre U seminar next year and they are recruiting 180 ppl to help out.
i m gonna be the OGL =P
sounds so fun..
but i have to clear my mid course..ahh....

GG.. i havent start starting for my chinese lit.. lols.
i m gonna start in 15 min =)
with my intelligence sure can make it la. =X
but i m really very heat up wif some ppl..
specificly one.
walao eh. this kind of ppl no brain one leh.
told and told if late reply or no reply at least inform before hand so that i wont wait for reply.
but just cant change that habit.
when i don intend to message you anymore,
u start the message and then no reply again half way.
wth la. v fun meh.
i will not make fren with those who do not even value mi as fren. yup.
du lan sia...

All our lives, each of our lives,
end to end, never met.
while we complain our pain, while we dread our tests,
they are in the silent, world beyond penetration of our sound.
no light no shine, no warmth no fine.
when can they ever get their right?
while here i am,
still tangled in fananstical love,
shamed, to describe, my luxury life.

yay i survived 1 week of exams =.=
so tiring lols. but i guess i was very lucky ..
my maths paper was super easy since i just nice studied the questions that came out 30 min before =.=
then i had like 40 min to slack during the paper. lols.
i was trying to write words and draw my cute jiggerlypuff wif left hand..
feel like training my left hand =P

but econs is not as easy.. every1 said its a GG paper.
alot ppl din managed to finish.. omg..
i managed to finish 5 min before it end la.. so scary..
and i found out later dummie wrote 13 pages of answer.
so my 14 pages isnt a big deal liao..omg..
hopefully i wont fail it ba =)
i m really slack nowadays .. lols..
holiday mood le..ahh.
this is the reason i smile =P





















this is scary? LOL






















this is the only reason i strive =P