omg.. i cant believe it..
my gp essay i am so confident over it. ok la must thank the hint sia =P
and i studied 2 topic, the topic that i am most confident came out !!! wheee..
haha.. but paper 2 i din do quite well ..
but overall i should pass? ^^

then today de h1 chinese, we all go is like for fun de lo.. lols..
the compo i gues i can get 70% =.= write till super sophiscated liao.
the chinese paper is a give away for us la. lols. i cant wait to see the result..
tm iwll be lit test.. and i don have mood to study at all..
i noe its a sure fail le la.. haiz..
how to pass when i haven even finish reading both the books for brave new world and disgrace..lols.
if i can pass like last time then it is miracle. seriouly =.=
just hope my gp can pass then i chiong my other subjects le.. ^^

hmm i realised i have been so slack over my blog le..
gotta revive it =)
but this week was a wonderful week lols..
suddenly i found every where there are friends..
though its kind of weird to wave at some1 every few steps u take.
which also makes mi realise how enclosed myself was,
cos i fenced my self within my own thoughts, being so oblivious to all the beauties around mi =P
not chio bus =.=

i m slowly able to get over it, i m able to be just a friend now. =)
whats yours is yours, whats not will never be yours.
but i was seriously totally entertained by dummie la.. lols.
i cant describe the funniess in her.
and i realised her char is v alike to wei chi =.=
the only difference is that i m always suaned by weichi whereas i always suan dummie. =P
But must really thank her and also "her" for teaching mi maths =)
i cant describe how stressed i was =X

now i m gonna chiong for mid course..
die die cannot retain ah!!!! so dam pai seh la.. zzz

whee. ok after 4 days of not messaging her ( wat a torture)
finally, i m able to accept the fact.. ok i m begining to accept.
and he knew her bf since sec 1?
can understand the depth of friendship foundation of their relationship.
i m not gonna s tand any chance.
why not just try my best and overcome the grief? if i do, i would gain a v good fren wif same interest =)
i m trying my best =P












I' m your umbrella, In disguise of the cloud,
i blow away your sorrow, but it usurped mine fine.
you are my sunshine, my heartbeat beyond the horizon line.
I' m granted mine happiness, but they slashed me a endless wound.

OMG LA.
i m starting to feel hungry. zz.
thnx to the seoul garden meal i ate, din have mood to eat dinner..lols.
and wen yuan ate noodles to open appetide.. one whol bowl =.=
LOL.. and i almost wanted to slap chen hui for being so irritatin..
ma de..
keep fan mi wif his da dao li " shouldnt put tat; don put water till so full; put chilly is nice; why u only eat beef; everyday beef; etc"
WTF.. LOL... wan irritate mi till i blood vessel burst ah.. kb..

sianz sia.. now i have no motivation to try to sms her or wat.
somehow its like immoral.
though i can try to be friends, but its like bluffing myself cos when i try to talk her,
i m passively thinking of how to attract her.
and its immoral that she is attached. though she never mentioned it.
i m not sure why. she sems to be spending v little time wif her bf.
but i don have the right to ask.
i m not eneitled the right to noe about her private life.
since i cant get pass my moral principal, i shall leave it till i can thinking through,
and i shall try not to talk to her?
ya i TRY.. haiz.
cos it feels v lost.
she is so dreamish, yet gives ppl such a secured feeling.
way too special. maybe i am too ordinary for her.
i guess her bf must be very charming,
very capable.
for some1 like her really devserves much better partner. =)

ok i shall not talk about these emo stuffs.
just wrote a little poem for dummie out of boredom.


Turn left, turn right,
What a stunning comical sight.

Red, bitten, insect hand,
Bloody patches that it spread

Slow in action,
Lag foresight,
What a cute picture I detect.

Yet,

Ur helpfulness with a lag behind,
Never before once so glad.


lol...and i relaised all my frens got a nick name sia.
ok not all, but close ones ba.
agua, chicky meal, te kor (underwear), kim te( kim nerd), bear bear, ka pok, bao long, xiao bai, nai nai, blood, teh, ice, nut, fish, iron hand, ball ball, hair hair, shortie, emo lamer, ah fat, da fuo, xiao fuo, xiao bai lian, yi zhan deng (lamp), monk, lao da, da sao, mao sao( mrs mao), dummie, juliet (of cos i don call her it =P) , lu xun, ah bian, cha siew pao, jiu bao zhi ( old newspaper), xiao pi gu, mo li hua xiao ling, xiao yan zi, da4 bai2 tu4, shen3 dian4 xia2, nishasha, gortzila, red face adora, wa i lazy to think le.. still alot sia.. =.=

don blame mi lame for making all those nicknames =X
i m just influenced by huan sheng aka agua king. LOL

i need to find the meaning of meaning, in order to live on.

its all so sudden.
too sudden..


The incarnation of my guilty illusion
a gift of melancholy it rings
this moment of extraordinary poignancy
the shadowish smile on the surface
the half moon in darknes
the half earth in this blanket
this world where i live? lived? had lived?
my heart has died?

dead.
my soul burned?

burnt.

the cacophony of my cry,
the beauty of agonized tears..

i dreamt
that night, i dreamt
hand in hand we strolled
side by side we looked

i thought,
that night, i thought.
i thought. . .
only in the morning, i realised it was all,
at night.

No i dreamt.
she smiled, that fairy- smile i never forgot,
she held out her hand,
it wasnt mi who was beside.
and then it started,
the corrosion over my heart.
as grey it becomes,
this tainted heart,
is made into a safe,
only with the cost of my meaningless life, now
is keeping a piece of you with me.
this secret that cannot be told, my love.

Oh mine, i m really a loner.
it has been 6 months since i entered the school.
and no i realised how anti social i have become.
how desirable peace has becomes, and how deadly lonliness has appeared.
looking at my friends' blogs, i finally noe the feeling don my heart,
it is jealousy. i wish to have a class like last time, i wish for a community which i can merge in.
they have been talking about racial integration, but how can it happen so easily.
basically i m forcing myself to understand what they are tlaking about, forcing myself to be interested with what they are talking about.
i am so not myself.
even if we do a chalet, i doubt i would even go.
its like an alien intrusion.
no matter how hard this alien tries, he is never gonna become a human.
no matter how hard i tries, i can never be part of them.
what a shame.
what a pity.
i am still dragging for some changes that are impossible to happen.
i don feel that i am part of this place, except for new media arts.
i cant stand the sacarsm, maybe they dont mean it. but i cant.
i cant stand being neglacted. my existence there is like, ok. do i exist?
for the group meetings, i was not even involved in discussing the timing and date for it.
all i receive is a information of the meeting, date and time. no room for discussion.
i know i havent contributed much for it.
but its really sad that i have to cancel my long- pre- decided outings.
i donno. maybe its my own psychological problem that i have to deal with.
who noes they have been sacrificing much more.
but i guess i was too proud.
too complacent.
i thought stress never affects mi,
loneliness wont affect mi.
but i forgot, i am still a human..
its heard psychological illness will pass down in generations.
my mathernal- grandma has mental disorder,
my fathernal- grandma has serious depression.
my parents i personally feel are not normal.
what would i become?
i guess, i would only noe it when someone now go provoke mi.

1. The person who last tag you is:
Candice? when i saw this tag game.

2. Your relationship with him/her is:
friend and cca mate

3. Your five impressions of him/her:

• 
  pro in study.
• 
  very clever.
• 
  always get bullied.
• 
  nice to friends.
• 
  thrifty.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you:
for mi? don have ba. if is with mi, then order mac delivery? LOL

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you:
her classmates always suan her.

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
LOL? tc of her? then wat =.=

7. If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
no diea. none ba

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
suan her together wif her classmates? lols.

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
expose my secrets? lols

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
teach her how to not get bullied. lols

11. Your overall impression of him/her is:
ok la, i don have any bad impression about her.

12. How do you think people around you feel about you?
lol. mood emo? and like to suan ppl =P

13. The characters you love of yourself are:
emotional

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate about yourself are:
too emotional. lol

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
my idol jay chou? but i don wan be famous =.= so no freedom.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
i appreciate it =)

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you:

1) xiao hui
2)yenling
3)yun jie
4)zi yun
5)shihui
6)Yi ting
7)aisyah
8)huda
9)stephanie
10)eja

18. Who is 6 having a relationship with?
lols. no1

19. Is 9 male or female?
female. oh wait. must comfirm =X

20. If 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
it is good, provided singapore alow lesbians.

21. Tell me more about 7.
LOL. some1 ordinary?

22. What is 2 studying about?
A level?

23. When was the last time you had a chat with 3?
on her bday. lol.

24. What kind of music band does 8 like?
i have no idea =X

25. Does 1 have any siblings?
yup 2, oh and i m her gan gor.. lols.

26. Will you woo 3?
eh. too pretty and clever for mi to woo..

27. How did you get to know 6?
since sec 1? classmates

28. Is 4 single?
i guess so?

29. What is the surname of 5?
omg i donno..=X

30. What's the hobby of 4?
i guess is singing?

31. Does 5 and 9 get along well?
they donno each other =.=

32. Where is 2 studying at?
innova junior college

33. Talk something casually about 1:
bball mvp, captain of hua hong jc! vise captain of U18 team.. so. super pro bballer.

34. Have you tried developing feelings for 8?
feeling can try to develop de meh? lols. no.

35. Where does 9 live at?
no idea.

36.What colour does 3 like?
violet.

37. Are 5 and 1 best friends?
nope.

38. Does 1 have any pets?
i don think so ba.

39. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
ya! .lol

40. What is 10 doing now?
how the hell would i noe. =.=