oh my..its my 1st time blogging at library =P
cos i am having pw meeting..
yesterday was really a huge day..
LOL.. i ate all sorts of medicine so surpress my cough la..
thank goodness i managed to perform. tohugh there was technical difficulty..
wang lu' s mic cdid not have sound and i was soloing..omg..
scary scary scary..
but i am really grateful to the encouragement and support from the crowd.. =)
i shall blog more about it after i receive the video and pictures taken during it from calvin.






chaosed by her words,
agonized by her smile,
sweetened by her voice,
thats when the sea dawned on mi,
just beneth my feet, such pearly tears, i sacrificed.
what a lovely moon, lights regenerated.
at then, they are vapourised, into a silver mist,
theres where my soul floats..

sad to say.
things are just not going to happen acording wat u wan them to happen.
i really have no mood in typing now.
i shall make it short.

i cut a lousy hair.
my throat is not getting better- may have to give up 1 of my dreams of performing on fri
i found out..... she got a bf...
not 100%, but 90%.......................

and i am now having this tearing cycle.
my eyes gets wet within split seconds, and within a few more, they are gone.
my rational is slowly being usurped by my emotions.
i believe that is a special place that stores the emotions,
not the body. they are too huge to be stored in body.
yet they are like remote controls. they can control your everymove.
from a distance..

ya i got the fact, but i m not gonna give up like that.
compared to eja' s boyfren.
wat i thought i did in the past wa like so tiny.
i nv thought such an romantic perosn could actually exist in the world.
from the way she cries after seeing his email i saw an spiritual figure around her.
its giving out his warm to her.
it made her invulnerable to many emotional diseasters.
as she reads further, her heart broke, her spiritual armor was gone.
i wasnt ke po enough to read the whole thing. but i could sense it i a break up letter.
yet,.... i donno how to say....

now. how can i be selfish.
just cos she got bf and i m not gonna share my love, my warm wif her?
i cant do that.
i have learnt enough about it.
i shall be the reborned mi.
i shal give whatever i have to her.
i mean it.
i wont expect anything.
i can do it..

But i need a way to stop my heart bleeds, stop my tear flows.

Oh no..
i am going to cough and friday is the performance..
why everytime i need to sing or use my voice i da bai have cough one.. =.=
desperately, i went to see chinese doctor..
omg the doctor could tell i got deprssion from examineing my pulses..=.=
and she says i m the kind who is v optimistic in the outside then when alone or quiet will emo and depress..
dot dot dot.. and she could even tell i think alot, and think quite negatively. lols.
i m not totally convinced by it la..
but still, it may be true.
but then how can not have depression when i have to study "handmaids tale", "brave new world" and "disgrace" as lit texts =.=
they are soooooooo dam dark la..
that is the cost i paid to get matured- depression.. lols..
sometimes i wonder tomyself whether my laugh is real.
maybe they are, but they last too shortly.
and my sadness lasts lifes..

haiz. i realised its been so long sicne i updated.
its treally tiring the hell out of mi..
went for rehasal for teachers day perf at anderson on monday.
lucky it was just just dry run. don really need to sing =)
and ms shamila is still scary la.zz..
i was surprised by the friendlines of those N.A malay guys
but nevertheless, it was fun rehasal. cos i can request wang lu play the 2 nice piano pieces titus introduced mi. lols..

speciall encouragement to yi ting here.
i feel glad for u that u can over come it..
but i had to sleep so late la. yawn..lols..
but its ok.. i feel a sense of accomplishment to cheer ppl =)

then tuesday was my another morning broadcast. omg.
i had to sing a birthday song la.
as i owe adora one birthday song, also it was xinyi' s birthday recently, so i specially said : "to xingyi and adora, happy bday ... etc." yet, they din get to hear thnx to the lousy system lols..
i feel so sory for adora who took cab to sku =.=
nvm i m thinking of recording wif piano to clense my guilt =X
hmm after that was exco meeting which was just photo taking.
it took like almost 2 hrs yet it was found useless as the instructions were give wrongly..
have to retake =.= yawn..

today leh, lols went to help out at cafe opening as arsher..
so had to stone 2 hrs while they giving the speech and watching them.lols.
omg la. and i ralised u cannot say joke to 2 type of ppl.
1 is robotic 1 is super slow one ..lols.
jokes dont suit mechenical and slow response.. lols.
so next time i shall act emo infront of valnessa.
but i do feel bad for suaning qian hui sia.
though she really talk dumb, look dumb and behave dumb..
but she is one of jia yuan' s eye candy.lols.
and she is "her" best fren leh..
i shall try not to make fun o her so often =.=
but if there no making fun of ppl, where does fun comes in life? lols.

guess i still have lots to update.
haiz.
emo emo and emo.
its so sadded.
my juliet and i are from 2 different worlds.
though may be only 1 metre away,
tough we may be speaking to each other,
the distance between our heart is sooo far.
2 different dimentions. =.=
now i understand, the greatest distance is when u are close wif her, yet u feel you are so far apart.
and i think i still have the sms phobia.
if i sudenly don get replys of sms, i just cant help but start thinking again.
=.=
thats so irritating you noe,
when ur rational self tells u the right thing, ur hearts follows its own thinking.
worrying about everything.
but i think i found 1 trustworthy fren though.
though seems a bit dumb.
but the mouth can be real tight.
at least the way she talks i can feel the sincereness la.=.=
not like ying4 fu4 or wat.. sad right. cos it means the opposite for my juliet.

and the cafe conflicts between my frens and them.
omg la.
its so sad to see misunderstandings causes such problem la.
i noe both parties, thats why i underststand the problem. but they just cant seem to merge.
haiz..
somebody pls tell mi how i can help.
such thing happened to mi once, idon wanna others experience it.



flying out alone, without wings.
under the shadows where i live.
the stars, are not, but sparkles of dusts, buried wif rust.
the moon, shine not, but repleted with darkness.
our hearts, engulfed with the icy cold.
with only a candle, but it does not fold
my freeze, like polar north.
great distance, mighty snow.
as global warming that you evoke,
my ice started melting, slow, really slow.
my dusts blown, my candle holds.
but little did i hoped,
cos its a thousand greatwalls that linked us whole.
an end to an end,
when can we get hold of our arms?
How far we are, i cannot be terrified, i cant back out.
for being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
With courage, i link it.
beyond strength,
love builds bridges where there are none.

omg.this week is kinda tiring..
cos everyday reach home at almost 10 =.=
thursday was brilliantly fun =P
cos i was near her for 1 hour plus .wahaha.
got to drink something she made..
wow, i think i never drank something so sweet before.
hehe.. then after that could not really study la.
so i go explain econs to candice.
and sitting together wif her together is the mac guy i saw on wed and another1,
who was said to have been writting poems about candice name and suaning her for months.
lols.. good luck huh..
and thanks for Titus, who offered to help mi print some piano scores he has.. =P
hmm. i really wanna watch mummy 3 la..
any kind soul can watch wif mi =(



Flying into my soul, now
In your hands shapes what I am. Where
Outside of thy, so blind. Yet
Never speaks truth, as liars told.

omg.
i cant believe it. i studied till 9pm when sku library closed then come home.
lols.. ok la, got some time slacked away cos we were eating the food from mac delivery. lols.
if i don stay to study, the 2 hrs usedo n waiting for my cca is like so wasted. =P
and candice' s fren joined us which added a balance.
cos candice is those type chiongster, and that guy is same type as mi, =P
then while eating mac, he told mi about an Einstein quiz that candice solved in 7 mins.
omg, it is said that 98 % of people could not solve it.lols.
a bit exagerating, but i wanted to test it out.
but i manage to solve at only after about 20 min plus.. walao.
got 1 part is have to guess de lo, and i guessed wrongly once.. omg
but at least i have proven to be the 2% =P
but i still cannot believe it la, candice look very "slow" =X
fine.maybe is that 2% of her brain cells happened to be active. lols.

oh ya, before that heard that some people gonna complain about my Juliet =( ops.
don be so harsh on them la =(
i can understand why they don like to clean the dishes for the library cafe.
haiz.. i was quite troubled to hear it.
lols.. then decided to help them clean up..
under my care, the cupboards and tables, and plates are shinning like silver. LOL
since i wanna stay at lib to study everyday form now on, i shall go help clean up everyday.
for people who don like them..hmm..
be more understanding la k? =(
but its an ironic feeling of mine la.
cos at the same time i could finally do something for her.
something practical..lols.
i shall just take it as an regular exercise =P

IWANNA WATCH MUMMY3!!!!! AHHHH...

Grow it, feel it, feel my love within it,
Catch it with heart, belied under, my words.
I wish for an chance O' spark,
For the want to protect you, with MIGHTEST care.
This love, for not what you are,
But what BECOMES I, when felt, thee within.

hm. suddenly i have the mood, so i shall blog about it..
cos i realised how weak i am as a human, as a man kind.
unlike the Dr william tan who gave us talk on thursday.
unless mr Neveill Tan whom we interviewed on sunday.
they said, all u need to do is work hard.
work hard and work hard.
it seems so easy.
its an delusion that u just work hard u will be the best..
work hard and u will get anythign u want.
thats so unrealistic.
1stly, how to work hard.
its not as if as simple as eating popcorn.
and i realised how naive i am.
maybe some1 is right.
An4 lian4 is the most fortunate thing to happen.
somethings maybe should not say out.
and as huan sheng said, such thing affects both party, if i were to tell her.
wat if i affect her negatively?
i was so selfish.
i did whatever i thought i should, following my shakesperean plays.
maybe i forgot it is not a play here.
its much more complicated.
and wat more i realised is that i value such a high importance on look.
1st sight love.
based on?
it was simply her beautiful smile.
oh mine..i am too weak..
i need to suffer..
pls let mi suffer... let mi grow.. let mi be stronger..

But i shalt give up not

hard work, hard work.
i shall top my class.
that shall be my 1st torture..

i shall learn 5 more piano songs by this year.
thats my second suffer.

i shall not peep at her.
thats my 3rd suffer. =(

ohhh mine.. its been long since i update.
hehe. yesterday was a super big day.. =P
it was naitional ay celebration!!!!!!
and also, bei jing olympics begining ceremony!
i still love china alot de..haha..
somehow i feel the chinese are more united than singaprean..hmm.
maybe thats the influence of communism. lols.
hmm.. also, i finally wrote a love letter and asked some1 to delliver to "her" wif a worded seed.
omg, its like the 1st time i write a love letter when i haven really noe that person.lols.
but it wasnt delivered due to some reason, and its gonna be delivered on tuesday, which is the exco meeting day.. =.=
hopefully i can still lift my head during it.
then at 930, me, hee sang and aisyah set off wif mr lee for the heart connection filming =P
we were incharge of filming all the heads in that 20km cicle within 1hr =.=
and there are 5 km that we have to walk..
so, its expected that iwe can never finish it. =.=
my arm is so bloody pain la.lols.
and we actually sprinted at some parts la. =.=
yawn..
but some ppl whom we filmed are really fun..LOLs
and i saw some of my frens. wtf..
they call mi ren yao in front of the camera and shout somemore.
then point at mi.
then all his classmates turned and shout wif them..wa.. they gotta get it from mi.
and sorry to kent, i din notice you..=X

then when we finished it was about 1?
then finally ican go home..
just when i was about to reach home at 1 40,
got a call from yt and asked if i wanna go k box..lols.
as a person who loves singing, no matter how tired also wan go de ma.. =.='
so rushed out of home, rushed to mac to buy my breakfast/ lunch and ran to the k box there..omg.. its so bloody tiring..lols..
whee, thnx for praising my singing =P
i am happy for the cmformity to my voice my frens gave..
now i feel more confident for the performance on teacher' s day le.. =)
and i realised yi ting can get real emo.. lols.
sorry for only realising it after 5 yars of noeing you =.=
thats why isay gals' hearts are the hardest thing on earth to penetrate,
they can hide their emotion so well la..
hm. if u need any help, i will still be more t han willing to offer my helping hand de la =)
once a god sis, always a god sis..
somemore you were my 1st god sister, and who was my sister in law =P wahaha..
lol. ok la, good luck for u k.. =)
i will give u all the tips i noe.. haha.

ohhh myy... tusday is just few days away..
now i realised how shy i can get..zz.

omg.. i feel so sick..
feel like vomiting and headache..
my eyes are tired too, after 1 whole day of earing contacts..
but all my friends says i look better without specs..
lols.. hopefully i get used to contacts after some days..
haha. it could be love sick?
lols.. no way. i m not so obsessed. =)
but still its kinda sad not to be able to ee her online for a week .haha.
but thats the progress,
be it sad or happiness, i demand them all =)
wat use it is if theres only happiness.. ^^
we wont be able to measure it without the feeling of poignant. hehe..




Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar
but never doubt thy love.

-william shakespeare

like the story of a flower, i grew out of the darkness,
first leaned out my head,
still as lost like fish without water,
light is not wat they grant,
love is yet so blind.
indiscriminately, i gambled my way through.
as lucky a star could be, i found thee.
shining up high and lighted my path.
but i hasitated, i suspected.
i need comformity, i need gurantee.
i was once bitten..
ouch, it still hurts, it still bleeds.
and so,
i turned shy
i turned sad
i got mad.
but you are so warm,
i cant resist your charm
i cant get rid of that sight.
so i shall try to get it.
with love,
mine Juliet.

T-T
i din stud for today!! i feel so guilty =(
hmm.. let mi think for the reasons.. ah..
noon brought my didi out!! omg.
it was so bloody tiring..
cos i will geel giddy and fell like vomiting if i take bus too long,
but my didi likes to take bus =(
so brought him on bus and took 1 big around on 265,
then carried him back home..
CARRY!! .yes.. he is now about 16 kg?
i wan die liao..

lols.. then afternoon received call from ice that today is benjamin' s bday =.=
then went to wj house to play card games..
ma de.. made mi banker and lost $20. !!
suan le.. po4 cai2 xiao1 zai1... =)







the moment i saw your smile
i was stunt and my face swell
like a chick out of clan
lost around but there i found
a face of rose with crystal eyes
like a beautiful mermaid in those tales

that charming lips, that gentle eyes
at every moment melting my heart
feverished still, i persued my will
and the maze within, its you
awww,
you look so sweet that i wanna swallow u whole =P
awww,
i am so glad to see you
after a year when i finally opened my window
its infact you..
just like those beautiful fairytale =)

wheee... i am sooo happpy =))))
since past few days i was so lazy to update.. i shall make a detailed 1 now =P
previously watched mony no enough 2 and prom night on 1 day.. lols.
i am feeling guilty le. cos promised to watch prom night wif some1 =X
but nvm i don mind watch again. both shows are dam nice =)
and its during prom night show when i realsied jacket wif hat can actually be used to cover the whole head..LOL .
then my mum strike 4d sia.. 4d leh!!
lols.. got $180 for nth..
then today she so shaung3 kuai4 let mi buy this karaokay speaker!!!!
its speaker wif karaokay system, wif th audio plug in of normal 3.5mm omg...
means if i play a minus1 track wif mp3 also can sing wif it la.. lol..
so dam cool.. nowi can use computer online karaokay programme to sing at my room =P
just love it.. ^^
hm... today is the last day for chris Ho dj training wif us. =)
i must admit i did learn alot and benefited from it. so, i am grateful to those sessions though it ends quite late =X
anyway, i am really coping well wif my maths and econs..i m only stuck wif gp and lit.. lol..
i m memorizing words and finding helping for lit..
hopefully i can do the PC paper 1 and paper 4 and at leats pass it by the ned of this term =.=
hard work sure pays.. that wat i believe..
since i so slack in term 2 and still din do badly for sumemr test, and wif this kind of extra effort i put in now, i do feel confident =)
theres no need for reverse psychology anymore lols.

lets see if theres any more fun things.. hm.
maybe it would be the exco family =)
all the excos are really nice ppl.. i feel great sense of happiness to be exco mates wif them really =)
ok i am now trying to control my tember and mood which i thik as quite bad past week.
i feel extreamly bad f or hao hao and hui yan who i continuously show bu shuang for their lame talk..lols.. ps
i wasnt in a good mood =(
don get offended if i openly throw sarcasm at u all. lols..
and i came across some fun ppl from sci stream in exco.. =P
its kinda fun to just chat wif them lols..
ok end ok story..
wanted to write a poem here but lsoe my inspiration! oh. thnx to my sleepiness.
but i shall not sleep till super duper late..
i wont waste my precious friday night to my Sleep!!! =P